To The God of Mischief
by Jetta.Vroom.Vroom
Summary: While being trapped in an Asgardian prison, Loki recieves a series of letters in regards to his past experience on Earth. Who will write to him? It's up to you, afterall.
1. From Natasha Romanoff, MasterSpyAssasin

_Loki,_

_I know you must completely isolate inside of your jail cell._

_How must I know this you may ask?_

_Well, judging by all the things you have done; I doubt anyone would want to have a certain bond or connection with you._

_You must also hesitate to feeling content when receiving this letter because I am not sending it to you for a reason of sympathy._

_As I must remind you, I am Russian and I have no time to sympathize a man simply because he is alone._

_You may refer to my reason to writing you more as a threat and/or a complaint._

_If you are as arrogant and as proud as Thor said you were, I assume that as soon as you are released from the prison that holds you; you will want to take this planet over once more._

_What I can completely assure you of is that I will be back._

_Hawkeye will be back._

_We will all be back to fight you._

_And once we have you surrounded for the second time; your little helpless self will be banished once more to the abyss of which you came._

_And where will things go from there?_

_On Earth, things will slowly return back to normal._

_And what about you?_

_You will be rotting in the cell in which you stand to this day._

_I am no psychic but I am aware that by now you must be thinking to yourself; is this woman trying to tell me something through this?_

_As a matter of fact, I am._

_Stay away from this planet, you have been warned twice._

_You wouldn't want to commit the same mistake twice now, would you?_

_You must learn to behave yourself, Loki._

_Sincerely,_

_Natasha Romanoff_

* * *

Agent Romanoff,

In case of that matter, you are indeed correct.

No one in their downright mind has even taken me to their consideration since the previous trip to Earth; which is why it brings a smile to my face when the messenger of the prison calls me over to deliver me a letter.

A letter for me, say it isn't so?

It has come to my attention that you, Agent Romanoff are the only one insane enough to take me to consideration, wouldn't you agree?

Although your letter does sound extremely convincing as well as engaging; I feel the need to let you in the know one of the most of un-argument able of facts.

A God does not take orders from any insignificant mortal.

Traveling to Earth was no mistake on my part; since I do have unfinished business to attend to…

Are you curious to know what my first task would be?

My task would be to take Clint Barton under my possession; under my control.

His fragile little mind will warp to the fierce mindset of a huntsman.

He shall be a huntsman who hungrily lurks behind his pray, who happens to be a female deer.

The unsuspecting deer has no significant knowledge that she is being gandered at by the devious huntsman hiding behind the tall grass.

And when she least expects it; the huntsman strikes and the female deer falls unconscious.

As the deer weakly lifts up her head to examine her injury; through her blurry gaze she sees a flash of crimson red seeping from her leg.

Her eyes then settle on the huntsman that approaches above her with a sinister grin.

He is clearly not aware of the pain the deer is going through as he snatches her by her bleeding leg as he carelessly drags her unconscious body on the grass; leaving a trail of the deer's blood behind them.

Once the deer and the huntsman are finally alone between the four walls of his secret lair; the huntsman will torture that animal in every way she feared; it will be the most inhumane way of torture in existence.

While he does so; the indefenceless animal will do absolutely nothing but watch in horror while she is being gutted and ripped apart.

I will fill you in on no more further detail; although I do find this fantasy to be quite pleasing and satisfying to write.

But they it shall be a fantasy no more once I leave this cell, Agent Romanoff; that I can most definitely assure you.

In a near future, my army and I shall return yet again.

Must I remind you that, I do what I want!

Da Svidanya, Agent Romanoff.

Loki Laufeyson

God of Mischief

* * *

**This is my first Avenger's fanfic!**

**How did I do?**

**Loki will be expecting replies (First reply) from Thor, Tony Stark/Iron Man, Steve Rogers/ Captain America, Clint Barton/ Hawkeye, Bruce Banner/ Hulk, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, or any other unmentioned character from the movie.**

**In the letter, the character may express their feelings, offer some good advice, ask for some, or whatever you'd like****. **

**Hahahah...**

**So, if your fingers burn for writing as one of these characters, don't be shy!**

**Post your letter on the reviews and Loki will reply back as soon as he is available.**

**Thanks for taking your time and reading! **


	2. From Thor, God of Thunder

**Loki:** Second letter that is written to me is composed by a human named Ryan.

**Ryan:** How do you know I am human? ;)

**Loki:** Ok...I really don't know then. But thanks for taking your time to write me as that...that...Arrrrg, stupid Thor!

**Ryan:** No problem, guy. :)

**Loki: ** Don't guy me! You shall refer to me as your King.

**Ryan:** Uhh...NO. Hey reader, enjoy my letter.

**Loki:** And enjoy my letter too...mortal.

Stop trying to hide; I know you're there.

And I'm still accepting letters so don't be scared; send them!

You will be given recognition for your work, of course.

* * *

Dear Loki,

YOU SUCK

From, Thor

* * *

Thor,

The last person I wanted to hear from right now.

The sight of an envelope with YOUR name on it made my stomach churn, my fists tighten and the blood boil deep within my veins.

I knew where this going.

When I ripped open the dreaded envelope and skimmed the messy scribbles on the paper; I couldn't help but smile at your short and sweet reply.

To be completely honest with you, I was looking forward to reading something "compassionate" and "profound".

I know the only reason why you would write me would be to give me that same insignificant lecture about "how we're a family no matter what circumstances" that you always insist on giving to me.

I am more than content that you have finally decided to give up that ideology and to just admit that we never were related.

You should not be king.

Allfather is an idiot if he thinks that YOU are superior to me in crowning you king when he damn well knows you do not deserve to be it.

You may display to what they refer to as "a perfect specimen of manliness" on the outside buy you possess nothing more than the mentality of a stupid arrogant child.

YOU and I both know that you are not fit to running Asgard, you careless oaf.

I may not have to wait long for you to do something stupid that will eventually lead to the fall of Asgard because I know that is what you are best capable of.

After that happens, Allfather will then realize this terrible mistake in handing you the throne but by then it would be much too late.

I must go now.

The prison cafeteria is serving moldy, stale bread with a side of a brown, lumpy and mushy concoction for breakfast and I cannot possibly imagine missing out on that delectable meal once again.

I bid you Farewell.

Loki

God of Mischief


	3. From Steve Rogers, First Avenger

**Loki:** Alright, third letter I have recieved has been sent to me by a mortal with the username FireHose2011.

** FireHose2011:** In case you didn't know, that's me.

**Loki:** FireHose2011 has composed a letter as bleh, the first avenger Captain America.

**FireHose2011:** That's right!

**Loki:** Now witness the kneeling to your king. Witness FireHose kneeling before me.

**FireHose2011:** Ehh...I don't think so...uh reader, please enjoy reading the letters.

**Loki:** ...

* * *

Hi goddess of mischief,  
I just wanted to remind you that you're a loner and that'll never change. Also, I revealed your secret; now everybody knows that you get bullied at In-N-Out. FYI do you remember that fight we had in Germany? Yeah, I don't know if that's how you fight, but omigod you fighting style is like a donkey that's been dead for a decade! Lol, you stink.

DO IT FOR AMERICA,  
Captain America

* * *

Captain America?

There is something peculiar that strikes me, the fact that you prefer to address yourself as Captain America toward me.

Now what would be the cause of that?

Does the name provided by your birth givers satisfy you not?

Is it that you prefer being under the title "Captain" simply because sets you apart from the rest of the insignificant mortals?

Is it perhaps that being under this particular title makes you feel superior and much more powerful than everyone that surrounds you…

Ah, you need not to let me in the know of your true reason because I am in knowledge of it already.

Steve Rogers was a nothing more than shuddering little weakling, correct am I not?

Steve Rogers was a terrified little pest to the natives of Midgard who to them; served no real purpose other than to cower at the plain sight of anything larger than himself.

There was no real motive to the life of Steve Rogers to anyone that is of course, until they developed an extremely powerful concoction that promised a more powerful being but even they were sure or not it would work.

Rather than risk anyone else for their precious life, they called to the most hopeless among helpless.

Remember this, they did not consider you because you were worthy; they considered you because you were unworthy.

Oh, the pain that tightly grasped you as the intoxicating potion first made contact with your veins.

You were nothing more than an experiment to them and if it seized to not succeed, they would care not.

But alas, it did succeed and the people who doubted you in the past now helplessly fall to their knees and beg you for your undivided protection.

Because of that did it not result in you putting your life at risk; being frozen solid for more than 70 years?

I would much rather confirm myself a loner rather than lowering myself to the abyss by helping those who in the past have betrayed me so.

…

In N Out…I recall nothing as to being bullied there nor I shall give further detail as to how my unsuspected encounter with Bruce Banner initiated.

Neither as to how the doctor managed to convert into that hideous green beast in less than a second before quickly snatching me from the ground which I stand and pounding my body against the solid ground consecutively.

…

No, I shall not give you any further detail on that.

As for the miniscule of a rumble that initiated between us in Stuttgart…

How dare you insult my fighting skill by comparing it to a mule that has been deceased for over a decade?

Not only that but have you also the balls to refer to me as a Goddess?

This is all absolutely preposterous…

And what is this FYI and LOL nonsense of which you speak, do not try to confuse me with such acronyms of yours, mortal!

…

It appears that I have run out of time to continue writing to you because the guards are releasing me from my cell in order to have a long Bingo session in the prison lobby, which I cannot bear to miss out on once again.

I bid you this farewell but I can well assure you, it will not be the last.

Loki

God of Mischief


	4. From Tony Stark,GeniusBillionarePlayboy

**Loki**: Here we have a fourth letter, which was composed by a mortal with the username ric . oola . 127 who formulates a letter as my least favorite genius, millionare, and playboy. Uggghhh...Tony Stark.

**ric . oola . 127**: Yep, enjoy my letter! It is pretty awesome.

**Loki:** Are you being sarcastic?

**ric . oola . 127:** Noo, what makes you think that? I am being totally serious. My letter is awesome.

**Loki:** Alright then, since you like being serious, you shall say "Loki is my King and I shall kneel."

**ric . oola . 127:** _Loki is my King and I shall kneel._

**Loki:** I applaud you, human...

**ric . oola . 127:** In case you didn't catch that, I was totally being sarcastic. Enjoy the letters, reader!

**Loki:** ...

* * *

Loki,

I would like to thank you for destroying my building, Stark Tower.

I really do mean thank you.

No sarcasm here.

Maybe a little but anyways, I was able to rebuild it even better.

The town also is being rebuilt from the destruction your little friends have caused and that, does not deserve a thank you.

All in all, long story short, do not come back unless it's to start over on a more friendly relationship with the Avengers and the people we protect.

So what's it like in prison?

I heard the food is "great".

Would love to hear from you,  
Tony Stark

* * *

Mr. Stark, it certainly is a pleasure…

But you have me pondering as to why you insist in expressing gratitude towards me; for I have not done anything worth receiving gratitude.

Ah, you must be referring to the sudden collapse of that minuscule tower of yours, for that I take no fault nor for the destruction of your pathetic little city.

To be completely honest, you have no one else but yourselves to blame; for the purpose of my arrival was not to iniciate a war.

Quite the contrary Mister Stark, for the sole burdening purpose of my presence was to offer myself…no…sacrifice my self as a figurehead, a guide, a ruler that will eventually lead your pitiful measly planet towards a more…righteous path.

But wise enough you were not for instead of kneeling to me as generally expected, Fury endeavors to threaten all my plans by sending out you and the rest of you so called "Avengers" to try and stop me.

Actions such as these deserve dire consequences and a dire consequence it was.

In result of this, drastic measures were taken as YOU leave me no other choice but to send in the army of Chitauri to Midgard for war on my command.

So what's this that I hear that you have constructed another Stark Tower, yet again?

My face burns with excitement knowing that there have been improvements made to the tower I shall smash to smithereens once more.

And Yes, this time it will be intended.

So you would like to know what prison is like?

Was not the imprisonment in Afghanistan enough proof as to know what imprisonment ought to feel like, Mister Stark?

Obviously, I am to the disadvantage, for my guards to not command me nonetheless leave sufficient material for me to construct weapons to use against them in secrecy.

As for the delicacies served to us in the prison, they are simply extraordinary.

My personal favorite would be a green substance that remains unnamed to this day, which I refer to as the "Hulk Sludge".

It is loose like slime but sticky like glue, which causes it to become extremely difficult to swallow, as it tends to cling to the teeth.

The after taste has to be the best part of this dish, for it leaves a burning sensation in the cave of the mouth as well as rewards with a inflated and irritated tongue.

It is a satisfying gourmet dish that I am sure you would love to try in the near future.

Speaking of gourmet delicacies, I heard you celebrated my banishment to Asgard by scarfing down Shwarma at a nearby shop where our little battle commenced.

You do not know as to how badly my mouth salivated when my tired eyes first gazed upon its double doors.

I am quite envious of you.

Was this shwarma any good, could it taste in any way better than the "Hulk Sludge?"

I suggest that after I arrive to Midgard and consume this so called Shwarma, you best stay out of the way for I will be there to rule over you feeble mortals.

For I hunger not for friends but for followers, which I shall feast upon once these cell doors once unlock.

And when we meet once more, how about you treat me to that drink you promised earlier?

Or better yet, let us have two drinks, or three…20?

We can have...as many as you would like, Mr. Stark.

For I know Iron Man's true weakness.

I must take a leave of you now…for it is time for me to feed upon that delicious green delicacy which I am bound to choke upon once more.

Loki

God of Mischief


	5. From Clint Barton, SHIELD Agent

_**Loki:** Fifth letter comes from a mortal who posseses the username; Arnoldloveshelga7 who writes me as [Shudders] that wretched Hawkeye.  
_

_**Arnoldloveshelga7:** Yep, that would be me.  
_

_**Loki:** Alright...now that you are here, you must bow down to me. Those are the rules.  
_

_**Arnoldloveshelga7:** Hell nah...you just made that rule up! I'm not bowing down.  
_

_**Loki:** ...  
_

_**Arnoldloveshelga7:** Please enjoy my awesome letter!  
_

_**Loki:** Yes...yes...enjoy my letter too, human.  
_

* * *

_Loki_

_After being under your mind control, I am happy that you are away._  
_You made me kill innocent people and put the people I care about in danger._  
_I never got to get you back for what you did but if you return to earth with a vengeance, I will be right there fighting to stop you again._

_This time however, I hope that I have time alone with you to make you pay for what you did to me._

_I heard what you wanted me to do to Natasha; you're a sick man._

_Honestly Loki, I think you need a woman in your life to make you better._

_I think you just need to be loved and have someone love you back truly to be a better person._

_Or maybe you just need to get laid._

_Is that why you act the way you do; angry all the time?_

_Is it because a god like you cannot find a woman and get laid once in a while?_

_It wouldn't surprise me._

_My wish for you is when ever you get free; meet a woman and get some and then your troubles should get better._

_I'll send you a woman if you cant find one._

_Sincerely Hawkeye/Clint Barton_

* * *

Well, if it isn't my faithful little puppet, Hawkeye?

I mourn terribly at the fact that I am not able to toy and scatter each individual segment of your mind as I once did in Midgard.

I also need to confess; that playing with you and Dr. Eric Selvig was the last bit of real amusement I have had since my feet were planted on this lovely cell of mine.

For that reason is which I grasp and savior that moment each and every break of day.

Although, I would not refer to this solely as a remembrance; for I allude this more as a future objective rather than just another burden of no account resting upon the encephalon.

Try not wasting time in seeking a vengeance on me; for you shall not have it.

Once I have put your heart and mind completely synched to my command, you shall perform what you were once asked to do but alas failed utterly to do so.

You will go after the Black Widow and once you have her right on your cross hairs, you will strike her from behind with your trusty arrows.

Once her body slams to the ground completely helpless, you will drag her to an isolated shed with nothing but the deep crimson of her blood marking your trail.

Once her tired gaze rests upon the cold heartless eyes of her predator; she realizes in shock that a single bat of her own lashes will do nothing to free her from your grasp.

The fun really begins once you force her abdomen open with those razor sharp canines you posses.  
As she continues to plead helplessly, you do nothing in regards to answer as you desperately try to break your way inside her flesh with your teeth.

After as thick globs of red splash upon your face indicates that you have broken through, you let out a sigh of pleasure as you hungrily snatch and rip organs from her gaping wound.

Eheheh…I would like nothing more than to give further detail to you but I would not like to ruin your fun…at least not yet.

Although there is one thing I do guarantee from the experience you are bound to participate in; you shall learn that the death of a human is relatively similar and no more significant than that of an animal for are unaware that squealing or pleading while being slaughtered will do absolutely nothing to spare their insignificant existence.

…

Haha, I laugh at your proposition, Hawkeye.

Look, just because that gigantic oaf Thor managed to become a weak, salivating, little helpless mutt whom does nothing more than sniff at a woman's feet, does not mean that I shall intend to follow behind his little paw print foot steps.

My ambition goes much greater, for what I crave is not love; power is what I will truly strive for.

I must be on my way to the gym; for I must proceed to my training, Au revoir.

Loki

God of Mischief


	6. From Amber, Agent of SHIELD?

_**Arnoldloveshelga7:** Hey reader, I am back!  
_

_**Loki:** This letter has been written by a mortal named Amber who was one of the witnesses the war.  
_

_**Arnoldloveshelga7:** Well, I hope you enjoy my awesome letter!  
_

_**Loki:** I will enjoy if yours if you refer to me as your king.  
_

_**Arnoldloveshelga7:** Tee-hee...Nope!  
_

_**Loki:** ...Don't forget my letter, enjoy it too.  
_

* * *

_Dear Loki_

_I know you tried to take over my planet but I honestly think that deep down you are a good person and I know everyone out there is probably like "why are you being nice to someone like this" and it is simply because I think that if you had the love and affection you deserved then you would not have turned out like this._

_If you do come to earth again please try to understand there are some people who do care here._

_You would probably laugh in my face but if you ever need someone to talk to I love to listen :)_

_Have a good day, Loki and I hope you get out of prison soon :)_

_Amber_

* * *

Although I do not believe we have been properly introduced; you seem to know more about me than you let on.

Were you perhaps one out of the million terrified little ants who could do nothing more than scurry and hide for cover?

You must not be for you appear to be far much too cleaver than that.

Clearly, you know my name and past objective…

You must be an Agent from S.H.I.E.L.D, am I correct?

You were given the unlucky soul who was given the disadvantage to forcibly write me; while pretending to be a "norm" in order to the seek information you want.

Is that it?

It surely must be, Agent Amber.

Fury is a clever one he is, as opposed to that kindness and praise would somehow "soften me" toward you causing me to break into a rage of confession as I drain my body of every content I have planned for Earth.

And regarding your extremely convincing FRIENDLINESS as a woman, Fury assumed that all of this would turn out to be successful.

Although, Fury sure is a cleaver one to think this one up; lamentably for him, the strategy he chose is not cleaver enough.

I am sure you are aware that as long as I remain imprisoned in this cubicle of a cell; your little spiraling circle shall remain safe.

Once I am released, you will ALL feel my wrath for not accepting me as your king.

There will always be consequences for making the wrong choices, Agent Amber.

Before I close this letter, I will take to consideration one of your most desired requests.

Since I currently lack puny mortal currency, I will be granted no access to consume any material at the Shwarma Shop in your planet.

You will have no option but to tend to my demand and treat me to Shwarma in the blackest and most isolated of nights.

Why at night, you may ask?

Surely to keep it a secret from everyone, thus Fury will heavily disapprove of having one of his best SHIELD Agents attending dinner with the enemy.

And I must point out, I am curious to know your reason for placing a colon symbol right next to a right parenthesis; it truly puzzles me.

If it is some sort of mortal secret code, what in the name of the nine realms is it supposed to mean?

Farewell.

Loki

God of Mischief


	7. From Odin Allfather, King of Asgard

_**Loki:** We have a returning user, as FireHose2011 returns for more._

_**FireHose2011:** This fanfiction needs more me so I decided to come back.  
_

_**Loki:** And this time, FireHose2011 writes as the most wretched King in Asgardian history...Odin Allfather. Yuck!  
_

_**FireHose2011:** That's right reader, I have magic powers.  
_

_**Loki:** You posses no magic._

_**FireHose2011:** Sure I do. I used my magic and turned this Avengers fic immidietly into a crossover with Thor.  
_

_**Loki:** ..._

_**FireHose2011:** Please enjoy my letter reader!  
_

_**Loki:** You might want to enjoy mine as well...mortal.  
_

* * *

_LOKI LAUFEYSON,_  
_¿WHY IN ASGARD ARE YOU IN JAIL, SON?_

_[Sigh]_

_Why couldn't have I just left you there to live your life in Jotenheim like it should've been?_

_Just look at the outcome: my history and reputation are ruined!_

_Now, I'm the father of a convict!_

_How am I to retrieve people's trust from me?_

_Also, if you don't mind me saying, you're quite unmanly; first, you grow obsessed over your brother because of your jealousy towards him._

_THEN, you're rude to your friends when they don't invite you to play superheroes with them!_

_Now, Thor, you sure could learn a lot from that lad._

_For, he is a true warrior and a loyal son of mine, unlike you!_

_I'm ashamed of you, son, but if you ever change you mind and you want to be a good man, it's never late._

_From your father,_  
_Odin Allfather_

_OH, and one more thing, if you dare disrespect me, you'll be getting a little visit from me, and your favorite person, Thor Odinson. ;)_

* * *

Are you not proud of the stolen relic, Odin Allfather?

It will not further amuse me if you are not; nothing I have done has ever received the very least bit of recognition from you.

Now why would that be?

Oh yes…because I do not deserve it.

We share neither blood nor are bound by patronage.

I am Frost Giant.

I am not your son.

I laugh due to the fact that the mighty Allfather tends to ask why I am imprisoned.

You out of all people should be blissfully aware as to why I remain here caged up like an animal and if you must know Thor is NOT my favorite person.

Quite the contrary, he is my least favorite.

In a distant past, the one thing I most desired most was to be seen as my so-called brother's equal.

It completely disfigured my heart and scattered my encephalon to learn that I was not a part of your family.

But everything finally made did make sense; although you always claimed to love us both unquestionably; you never seized to contradict your words by always preferring your own flesh and blood.

The choice was once placed in your hands, Allfather.

You had the opportunity to carefully select the ideal subject to inherit your position on the throne.

He is to be a dedicated man who is willing to serve and protect the people of Asgard.

Tell me again what your true reason for not selecting me was, Allfather?

Was it because you could bear not to hand over the throne to a STRANGER?

Or was it because you could bear not hand over the throne to a FROST GIANT?

Whatever your reason was solely proves that you suited the throne bitterly; like father like son.

Do you possibly believe that humping and salivating at a mortal woman's feet as if he were mutt in heat could possibly help restore Asgard in its natural state during war?

Will sparing the life of any insignificant mortal in Midgard help bring this kingdom to prosperity?

He lacks true ambition which I posses greatly but you seized to notice.

I was and should be King but your ignorance and selfishness were great as they blinded you of the intellect, ambition, and the true power I possess because to you; I am nothing more than just one out of many burdening artifacts.

I scoff at the fact that you claim that Thor is superior to me, that big oaf?

Everything that he does proves that I am doing well by not walking behind his footsteps.

It must be quite a drag to have him as a son, is it not?

For you have no choice but to forcibly applaud and praise to EVERY idiotic mistake he commits; which I am sure the list of mistakes is everlasting.

And call me what you wish for I am completely indifferent to any words you speak, you mewling fibber.

I do what I want.

As for the Avengers, they are a group of people who prefer to live their everyday life underneath an immense colorful fantasy.

As they are under a mindset that claims Midgard has no throne therefore needs no ruler.

Once I escape, I will prove them all wrong.

Midgard craves to be ruled and I will tend to its request and feed its desire.

I am born to be a King and I will let no one stop me to get what I most burden for.

No one.

I must go now, Bingo in the lobby starts in five minutes and I must not be rude to my cellmates by arriving late.

Loki

God of Mischief

P.S. A colon right next to a right parenthesis, huh.

What is your purpose of utalizing the Mortal secret code?

As I am still oblivious as to what it means!


	8. From Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD

**Loki**: Alright, so we have a new follower of mine, under the username, RandomWriter90 and composed a letter as...ack! Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D.

**Randomwriter90:** What makes you think I'm a follower of yours?

**Loki:** Well...you should be.

**Randomwriter90:** Well...I'm not. Get over yourself.

**Loki:** ...

**Randomwriter90:** Enjoy my letter, reader, ok?

**Loki:** You better enjoy mine too...human.

* * *

_Dear Loki,_  
_Ant - 1, Boot - 0_  
_we win._  
_- Fury_

* * *

Director Fury, it certainly is a thrill to hear from you.

Although I hate to be the bearer of bad news in regards to your insignificant little planet, I must put it out to you straight.

There is no question that I shall fight to have what I most yearned for and I will not stop until I have claimed it for myself.

If I am correct, soon upon my arrival you will quickly and desperately summon playtime upon your puny defense team; the Avenger squad.

I take it the no longer existent presence of Agent Phil; the son of Coul haunts you to this day, am I right?

He must be getting pretty lonely being deceased all on his very own and I will do nothing more than granting the man a favor by annihilating every single being under the title "Avenger".

Is that not a good cause on my part?

Of course it is.

Now may I ask you something, since you are strongly dependent on these creatures; what is to become of you if they were to no longer respond, no longer existent?

Is calling to your puny insignificant group a daily routine that you are likely to abuse, Director Fury?

"Oh my, my supper has grown immensely cold!

I shall summon Black Widow to the kitchen to reheat my ice-cold meal!"

"I have lost my eye patch while I peacefully slumbered, oh the agony!

This will be a problem no more, for I shall request for the incredible Hulk to come and terrify any unlikely beast that lurks underneath my mattress!"

Surely it must be quite handy as well as luxurious to have servants attend to your every desire, does it not?

Well, you are going to have to get used to doing things on your own.

I strongly encourage you to not start to feel victorious, Director Fury.

Winning the battle does not mean justify the means of winning the entire war.

I will no longer dispute with a man who has no more significance than an ant.

Until next time.

Loki

God of Mischief


	9. From Bruce Banner, Doctor Genius

_**Loki:** 9 Letters already, I guess I should be thankful.  
_

_**Arrows the Wolf:** You should be! Well, this letter is writen by yours truly and I have taken the pleasure to writing as Doctor...  
_

_**Loki:** Ewww...Bruce Banner aka that green guy.  
_

_**Arrows the Wolf:** You're right! _

_**Loki:** What do I recieve for answering the question correctly? An army of followers?_

_**Arrows the Wolf:** You get...NOTHING! Please do enjoy my letter, reader.  
_

_**Loki:** Ey, do not forget my letter possesses existance as well!  
_

* * *

_Dear Loki,_  
_You are a puny god._

_You must be smashed._  
_Love, Hulk_  
_PS-The puny human who is writing for me (Arrows the Wolf) would like to ask you to marry her; she's a fan girl._

* * *

I have always wanted to ask you beast; why do you continue to favor those mortals around you?

Are you not living proof that being a hero by risking your own life to spare another does you plenty wrong?

Did saving Rick Jones reward you in any way?

Of course it rewarded you plenty as you were struck with a bomb infested in gamma radiation; almost grasping your life from the surface of Midgard.

But instead you are destined to the terrible fate you cope with today, which in my opinion would be worse than death itself.

Although you physically posses the traits of an intellect man; you are nothing more than a beast who although posses a terrifying anger is quite vulnerable as it tends to be strikingly easy to be taken advantage of and manipulated.

If you knew what was good for you, you would put a stop to all of this and…serve a rightful purpose instead of wasting your time with S.H.I.E.L.D.

And how dare you refer to the God of Mischief as puny, you…you awful and disgraceful creature!

And NO!

I shall not be smashed; not now, not then, not ever again!

If I were to be there standing before you, Dr. Banner…I would waste not a second to release an echoing battle cry as unsuspected I pounce upon you.

Finding yourself in a completely helpless and shocked state, I shall shred the flesh that clings to your skeleton with my bare hands; forcing you take back the words that have escaped those careless lips of yours.

My lips slowly transform into a sinister grin as I notice thin beads of aspiration slowly beginning to form on the opposite sides of your forehead; and in no time at all the beads become thin streams that slowly trickle down your vibrating cheek.

My eyes quickly drift to your sides, where your hands are consecutively being tightened.

I can already tell just by looking at your agitated visage that you have grown nervous; and in no time at all those nerves will soon morph into anger.

As I touch the tip of my scepter to your chest, once.

Twice, I realize at what fast rate the pulse of your heart has increased twofold.

Just instants before your terrified gaze turned bloodshot, just seconds before your skin became the color of jade as well as massive in size, and your tightened mouth twisted in a menacing snarl; I thrust the tip of the razor sharp staff into your chest; completely penetrating your insides until the bloodied tip of the dagger perforates your back.

I must admit the sound of your screaming Dr. Banner; it is very soothing to my ear holes.

It really is; it is so calming I often fantasize about killing you so I can be put to my daily rest every night, I hope that is of no mind to you.

If I somehow forget my little routine, I remain sleepless the rest of the night often resulting problematic as the guards begin to suspect an escape or whatnot.

I am through with speaking with you, Monster.

Allow me to direct myself to the puny mortal who composed you of this letter; for there are words of which I speak to her…ahem.

Arrows the Wolf, if you strongly posses the great desire to unite your life with mine in matrimony; I believe I cannot do that because I have not yet the pleasure as to who you are.

In order for one to make such a commitment, one must know the other person long enough and be absolutely sure of the choice to be forever united.

However, there is another way you can dedicate your life solely to serving me without the permanent commitment.

Join my army.

And together…you and I will strive for glory

Loki

God of Mischief


	10. RE: Amber, Agent of SHIELD?

**Loki:** Alright, so here is to the first reply to a reply. It consists of the works of Amber who may or may not be an Agent of SHIELD...I am really not quite sure.

**Arnoldloveshelga7:** ;)

**Loki:** Uh...Here you go again with those complex mortal symbols of yours; what in the name of the nine realms do they mean!

**Arnoldloveshelga7:** That's for me to know and YOU to find out.

**Loki:**...

**Arnoldloveshelga7:** Enjoy my reply to my reply, reader.

**Loki:** Yes...and enjoy my reply to the reply to the reply as well, mortal.

* * *

_Hello again it is "Agent Amber" as you call me._  
_To be honest, I may or may not be an agent…that my dear friend is for you to find out._

_"winks"_  
_In the meantime, I think I would like to treat you to Shwarma; I honestly have never had it myself. :)_  
_So you want to take me on a date in secret?_

_What am I to you a forbidden desire?_  
_I am pleased that you think I am clever because I am; I see that you are as well._

_That symbol that you think is a code is merely a smilie face; a sign of kindness._

_To answer your questions Loki; no, I was not one that hid from you._

_I do not fear you._

_I know more about you then I care to admit._

_Also it was not Fury, who put me to this task, I simply wanted to do this on my own. Before I go, Loki I would like to inform you that I hope to hear from you again soon and I also want to inform you that I never said that I don't want you to be my king :)_

* * *

Agent Amber, judging by the blistering arrival of your reply and you not cowering before me; I can already tell that you are not easily intimidated.

But what is this?

Are you indeed serious of making me undergo a trial to find out about your true identity?

Well since I have had no real amusement since my last trip to Midgard, I shall accept your little test.

But let me first warn you, do not try anything funny.

If I happen to become surrounded by a pathetic little human army once I arrive to your little spiraling planet, the ground in which they have their feet planted upon will soon be their burial ground.

So I ask of you, if you do not wish for the night to result disastrous for the many inhabitants of your race…do not consider bringing anyone else, understood?

Bring no one but yourself, Agent Amber and we shall have ourselves a nice tranquil dinner.

Do not confuse things mortal, for it is not a date; we just happen to be two clever strangers, enjoying some harmless Shwarma underneath the pale light released by the miniscule sphere that is set high above the Midgardian sky and nothing more.

As for you being a forbidden desire to me…that my lady is for you to find out once we meet.

So, the colon and right parenthesis is a sigh of kindness, huh?

You mortals sure have an odd way of expressing it; not any odder than Asgardians however.

Asgardians tend to split your little weak spine in a vice-grip embrace, much more barbaric indeed.

The sentence that closed your letter has gotten me quite pensive Agent Amber, how you never said you did not want me to be your king.

Well in that case, I must congratulate you for you are MUCH more clever than I let on.

You are aware that Midgard is in desperate need of a king, and who else to tend to its request but I, Loki of Asgard.

An ideal ruler am I so follow my word and I shall free you of past unnecessary ideas and bring prosperity and righteousness to your little pathetic planet.

I must be off for there is a delectable brown sludge to be served in the cafeteria of which I cannot bare to miss out on once more.

Loki

God of Mischief


	11. RE:Tony Stark, Genius Billionare Playboy

**Loki:** Here you have it; the second reply from the Billionare genuis which is brought to you by user ric .oola . 127 once more.

**ric . oola . 127 :** Playboy.

**Loki:** Come again, mortal?

**ric . oola . 127:** Billionare Genius Playboy. Get that straight in your head, you puny god.

**Loki:** I will...unless you stop calling me puny god.

**ric . oola . 127:** Like that will ever happen.

**Loki:** ...

**ric . oola .127:** Enjoy my letter, reader.

**Loki:** Mine as well; you mortal reader, you.

* * *

_Loki,_

_You are my king and I shall kneel._

_..._

_Ha-ha I can't say that with a straight face._

_Good joke really, Mister Laughyson._

_Is it Laughyson or Laufailson?_

_Whatever the case, you offering yourself as "sacrifice" as Earth's figurehead is laughable._

_But, there's nothing wrong with dreaming._

_Unless of course that dream becomes an annoyance or bothersome._

_Then we'll just have to do something about it._

_Ruling over us humans is too laughable._

_More in a sense that we the people already have our figureheads and government, but we have them to a degree that we like._

_That we are comfortable with._

_The U.S.A particularly is the best example of a good balance of power and control._

_You want to be the best Loki?_

_Get the people to love you._

_Give them what they really want and need, that way being not what you "see" or think they do._

_You're smart, but you don't have heart and are otherwise selfish._

_Just like Thor used to be, so he tells me._

_Don't be stupid, Loki._

_Really think about the consequences to your actions._

_Prison gives you tons of time doesn't it?_

_I know it did for me._

_Now, about that drink._

_Unfortunately, can't send you any._

_What I was able to do was send you a little package this letter should be attached to. Most likely the guards to make sure the package isn't anything illegal tore up the pretty wrapping._

_Can you guess what's inside?_

_If not, I'll tell you._

_It's shwarma._

_So, is it any better than this "Hulk Sludge" you are absolutely head over, and excuse the phrase, heels for?_

_You should send me some so that I may try it for myself._

_Or show Bruce if anything._

_Looking forward to your reply,_  
_Tony Stark_

* * *

Do you find this to be amusing, Mister Stark?

Is poking fun at a stranger's name what you puny mortals refer to humor?

Witnessing how the helpless residents of your planet cower and shrink helplessly before the very presence of a God, now that is truly comical.

How even the tiniest of misunderstandings between the "All Mighty Avengers" can scramble with their mind and it often results to them unleashing the rage that is bigger than themselves upon their so-called "allies"; this is true comedy indeed.

In other words, I find this name changing system not amusing to me at all.

Throughout your everlasting knowledge and experience Mr. Stark, I know that you have not yet witnessed the reign a true successful ruler; that is the sole reason as to why you find the rule over humans to be insane.

Every man who has adopted any other sort of leadership title upon your fellow Midgardians has failed terribly to govern only but a measly portion of your planet, now why would that be?

I will tell you why because you mortals are all exactly the same.

You are all puny people who share the same motive in life; the purpose in which all mortals live their life is by trying to prove oneself superior to the rest.

Although every monarch, duke, tsar, dictator and president considers himself to be higher authority upon the people it governs; they are really no more significant than a peasant begging for food.

This president of yours; he possess the same anatomy as you, the same crimson red blood flows through his veins as well as yours, he is kept alive by the same drumming heart as yours; what makes him superior to you?

Nothing, they are just puny people just like you who were given the struggle of coping with a job that is much to big for their little hands to handle; whatever made them think that they had the potential to rule?

I find THAT to be absolutely laughable, Mr. Stark.

You and I both know that the purposes one strives for will not be handed to you by the simple act of dreaming, mortal; therefore dreaming holds special significance to me none.

I will also admit nor consider to any mistakes for I have done none.

No matter what ideology you may have or may persuade into other mortals' minds; I am a suitable king so fight it no more.

As you may already know, I am a God therefore have natural supremacy upon you; which will make me a suitable monarch of Midgard.

Once you accept that…in your heart; you shall find peace within you and your pathetic little planet.

Thor may tell you many things; although he speaks to you not about the things that he may not want you to know.

Has he told you that he was responsible for my plummet down to the abyss?

I think not.

After Thor rebelled against father's word, Allfather was furious and punished him in the worst possible way by turning him into a mortal as well as banish him to your measly planet.

In regards to his son's utter stupidity, Allfather became quite ill as he handed the throne of Asgard to me.

After that, I traveled to Midgard and found my dim witted brother under the possession of S.H.I.E.L.D, from there I specifically informed that gigantic oaf that the throne had fallen to me and there was nothing he would do to change things regarding his banishment.

Being as envious as he knows he is, Thor grew intensely mad at this; therefore he knew exactly what he must do.

Since Allfather would not have handed him the throne while I was still present; he developed a plan that would result in me disappearing from the face of Asgard.

And that is just he did what he did; without feeling any remorse whatsoever he carelessly shoved me off the colorful bridge that lead to the realms without as much of an explanation as to why he did it.

Aware that I would return soon to claim the throne that was rightfully mine; the large oaf made my chances of coming back microscopic by destroying the only available entrance there is into Asgard, the Bifrost.

With my existence no longer present in Asgard, the Allfather had no choice but to hand over the throne to Thor who remains quite content with himself by feeling superior to me and those around him.

Is he not but the cruelest creature ever to step on your planet, mortal?

Not only that, he is also a talented liar.

Surely, he has all of you fooled with the stories he has probably spoken with you about me but I can assure you that they are all lies that have been brewed up by the envy and hatred he feels upon me.

So, if I were you I would listen not to any words spoken by that gigantic oaf, Thor.

As for the Shwarma you have delivered to me.

Yes, it was unwrapped when I received it but nonetheless it has survived quite the long trip.

I must admit my eyes shimmered brightly gazing upon such delicacy, such beauty.

Once I sank my canines into it for the first time; I knew that I have become passionately infatuated for the very first time.

I wish for it to last longer so I have only agreed to take but one small bite a day and continue to save the rest.

It is far too delicious to be consumed in a day's worth.

I guess I should be thankful but in reality, I find it extremely hard to believe that you would be capable of sending a great desire to your "enemy".

I know that asking for your sincerity would be asking for too much but you must tell me, was this is a little plan proposed to you by that little woman of yours?

Surely, you were not the one who wanted to do this in the first place, I know you far too well.

Besides, only a woman is blind enough to strongly believe that the act of being giving to others would somehow soften the enemy in result of burying the hatchet as well.

Be sure to let Miss Pepper Potts know that her little plan has failed utterly, all right?

For I have not softened up to you, mortals and I plan to.

Speaking once more of delicacies, I managed to sneak some Hulk Sludge from the cafeteria this morning.

I know the wrapping may not be the best, but what can I do?

I cannot exactly find velvet wrapping in a prison, now can I?

Oh, and I have supplied you with a good amount of Hulk Sludge for you to share with your Avenger buddies, there will be a need for fuss because there are unequal portions.

I can already imagine just how angry Dr. Banner would be if he were to receive a lesser portion than Clint…

Eheheheh…

Anywho, I am quite curious to know how things are in Midgard.

How are you and Miss Pepper Potts doing lately?

Have you constructed any hot new invention I need to be concerned about?

Are robbers still heavily committed to their crimes, are murderers still on their usual killing spree and are continents still being intoxicated with atomic bombs?

What about that little dispute you had with your best friend, the man who has been frozen for at least 80 years?

When was the last time his fist met your metallic suit, Mister Stark?

Well…now all I must do is wait; for I have nothing else to do.

Loki

God of Mischief


	12. From Jane Foster, Astrophysicist

**Loki:** FireHose2011 has returned thrice, mortal.

**FireHose2011:** That's right I'm back and as someone new now!

**Loki:** FireHose2011 now composes a letter from the infamous love interest of Thor, Jane Foster the astrophysicist.

**FireHose2011:** Yep, I have given it an unsuspected twist because I feel evil today. Hope you enjoy my letter, reader! Muwahahaha!

**Loki:** Enjoy mine too while you are at it, puny.

* * *

Dear handsome god,  
Hey Loki, this may be kind of awkward because of the fact that we've never met, but I sure have heard a lot of you.

That you do what you want because you're a true hunk of manliness!

I mean your brother, he's... he's ok, but you...

I think your rebellious ways are too adorable, so keep it up, muffin.

And Thor told me, that you might be giving me a little visit, I'll be expecting that then. :]  
XOXO,  
Jane Foster from 'Midgard'

P.S. Darcy makes a better couple with that pop tart-eating Blondie, anyways. :)

* * *

Jane Foster, before I speak of anything I would like to ask you about something that has grown massive in the dephs of my mind.

How is it that an insignificant female mortal managed to turn the "all-mighty Thunder God" into nothing more than a stupid little slobbering mutt who clings demandidly at her feet and tends to follow her every command?

It does not really matter how you did it; the fact that you have done it is what truly matters here.

And I must admit; you have potential and for that I must congratulate you…

I am not easily impressed, but you have managed to do so.

It is foolish to fret about things like this woman, for I have not the existence of defeat in any bone in my body.

I will be returning to Midgard upon my release and you will soon reveal that Thor's attempt to hide you from me will prove meaningless.

Upon our encounter, we will...

Well, you shall just see how things flourish from there.

It would be quite rude of me to spoil the fun for you just yet.

As for being better than Thor; you must not speak to me of such things I am knowledgeable of.

I already know my worth is of much greater value than that of that gigantic oaf.

And I am quite curious to know as to what things have you heard from me?

Surely they must have been good things due to the fact that you grow unlimitedily attracted to me.

I must leave you, there is a mess in the kitchen and I have been assigned to clean up duties.

I will be expecting

Loki

God of Mischief

P. S. Who in the name of the nine realms is Darcy?

Do not speak to me of names of whom I have no knowledge of existence, woman!


	13. RE: Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD

**Loki:** I have recieved a second reply from Nick Fury as composed to you by...

**Randonwriter90:** Randomwriter90, that would be me.

**Loki:** Right...well now you can start by...

**Randomwriter90:** Don't even think about asking.

**Loki:**...

**Randomwriter90:** Enjoy my letter!

**Loki:** Enjoy mine as well...human.

* * *

Dear Loki,  
Do you have latent homosexual feelings for Tony Stark or Clint Barton? The Internet is saying some rather interesting things. I'm not judging, just curious.  
-Fury

* * *

This interrogation does tend to vary from the focus of S.H.I.E.L.D. as it has absolutely nothing to do with your profession, does it not Director Fury?

I shall not expect an answer to this inquiry although I must surely admit that your question has caught me off guard.

I wish to speak of this to no one but since you burn with interest as to know about this certain topic, I shall give you the information you seek without restrain.

I have never discussed such matter of this to anyone living nor dead so you must feel quite fortunate to be grasping of this yourself; you feeble mortal, you.

The truth is I had no knowledge of this existing evidence until just recently; and I must say your fellow Midgardians posses quite the extensive imagination.

However for this, I must speak the truth.

I have not provided any solid reason as to prove that I possess any sort of attraction towards any of my Avenger counter parts; so I have grown pensive as to why would anyone who spoke of this would ever get the intention to believe that I possess feelings towards Mr. Tony Stark or Agent Clint Barton?

In other words, the answer you seek would be no, I do NOT hold homosexual feelings towards any of the Avengers.

Do not be fooled by such ludicrous stories such as those, silly mortal.

Although I cannot blame you for being ill informed; for that is the sole purpose of the Internet.

Loki

God of Mischief


	14. RE2:Tony Stark,Genius Billionare Playboy

**ric . oola . 127:** Where were you yesterday?

**Loki:** I was...quite busy.

**ric .oola . 127:** Busy doing what, getting funky with the cafeteria lady?

**Loki:** What makes you assume something like that?

**ric . oola. 127:** Nothing, that is all what it is; a simple assumption.

**Loki:** ...

**ric . oola .127:** Enjoy my letter, reader.

**Loki:** Enjoy mine as well, earthling...

* * *

Loki,

Honestly skimmed through most of the letter, but I find it fascinating that you say not to believe a word your brother says. Thor does not exactly like when we talk too bad about you. He's done nothing but spoke of praise and a passion only a kind and loving sibling could about you. None of it's true then huh?

Doesn't feel like it.

And as far as the falling into the Abyss thing, he had said it was you that let go. I must say that Thor might as well have been a pup with those sad greiving eyes when ever he speaks of you. Of how "He should have been a better brother." How "He should have taken better care of you".

Which brings me to ask, did you ever feel anything similar to sadness at this? Or was it simply jealousy of living in Thor's shadow as he got all the Glory and even the Throne.

Seems like you're still living in his shadow. Pity.

As far as the shwarma, no tricks. No catches. No acts of trying to soften you. Just giving you a taste of what you're missing. Good to know it's great enough that you must preserve it. Maybe I shall send more?

In no way was it Pepper to have thought of sending the delicious treat. That was all me.

Speaking of treats, thanks for the sludge...looks great...Bruce...got a "kick" out of it. The green blob isn't easy to clean though.

Skipping the personal relationship ordeal with Pepper since we're not buddy buddy enough for that. Silly Loki.

Crimes are lower than they used to be. Murderers are under lock and key, he majority of them anyways. Atomic bombs...

..

Aw me and Cappy? Best friends. Though Bruce, being the scientific genius who thus speaks my "English" are the closet to guys could be without it being homosexual. Almost like brother's if you thing about it. So I'm closer to him.

Last time Steve hit me metallic suit would be when we were testing out how much damage it could take before it scratched or dented. Thor helped. The results were admonishing, Mjolnir barely scratched it.

So, what new in prison? Anything exciting?

Tony Stark

* * *

Do not pity me, Mr. Stark.

If there is one who hungers desperately for grief; it is Thor…I suggest you feed his need.

The Allfather has realized not of the grave mistake he did by sending that gigantic oaf to Earth in the first place; for no true objective was acquired as planned.

What Thor DID manage to accomplish is by making himself grow even more intolerable than he ever was before; nothing was learned from your measly planet other than to lament and sympathize…

Life is cruelty.

You all feed upon each other, exploit each other in some way to survive; there should be no time to feel this compassionate, this loving towards those you are against.

Emotions such as those are completely unnecessary therefore should not be in any one's nature for they only serve as a barrier for any true purpose intended, do you think not Mister Stark?

As of that, I no longer stand below the shadow of Thor's so-called "greatness", for it is he the one who hides in my shadows to prevent from any sentimental feeling from being cracked and shattered.

As for me…I now stand high above everyone's reach.

Now that you have mentioned the shwarma; yes, I believe it would be wise of you to send more of this gourmet dish to my destination.

It was completely astonishing to see how only after seven days of conserving; the shwarma went through a peculiar evolution.

The color went dark, the scent grew intoxicating and the texture of it drastically changed; this mortal food of yours is strange indeed.

I also must admit that probably a prison is not the most adequate location to store delicacies such as these for it is not well refrigerated or the most cleansing.

Could this have been the cause for such an epidemic?

It is quite obvious that you enjoyed the "Hulk Sludge" I have provided for you.

Is it not like anything you have ever consumed in your life?

And yes…it does become quite problematic to remove from the surface; I learned this just recently.

As punishment for luring rats and other rabid infested creatures into my cell with the mutated shwarma, prison has grown much more exciting for me as I was assigned to kitchen duty every night.

Sure it means that I shall miss out on a few bingo sessions with the guys but hey, cleaning the mess hall is not at all that bad.

As I clear the tables of discarded matter; I receive the privilege to feast upon any good leftovers that have been abandoned by my cellmates until my inside's content.

I was also introduced to the woman responsible for these gourmet dishes prepared to us three times each day; she is a hag who is rich with age as it is recognizable in her crease infested face, toothless grin, and snow tinted hair.

As I wipe the surface of the tables clean, I look over my shoulder and just as I suspected; the old hag continues to visually feast upon me with her bloodshot vulture eyes.

She does this ever so constantly and she grows not intimidated by my knowledge of knowing whatsoever; she is aware as she winks toward my direction.

Whenever she summons to me; my name escapes her lips in soft erotic moans.

As I lean over the table to scrape off a resistant stain, my eyes curiously drift to my left.

Just as I expected, she starts approaching me while swaying her wide hips ever so slowly and rhythmically.

Once she is just inches apart from me, she removes the hairnet from her scalp and released the wild mane of pure white hair which she instantly tosses behind her shoulder.

A little smile starts to form as she coolly rests her hand and begins to caress the lower back of my distracted pose.

As you can see, she has grown quite comfortable upon my presence, which I have no problem with.

As long as there are no affectionate emotions spilling out upon her part; everything will continue to flow swimmingly here in my isolated cubicle.

It truly surprises me, after having in possession an endless amount of beautiful women upon you; in the end you decided to give that up in order to settle with just one measly little woman in a so called serious devoted relationship?

Do not you feel breathless and you are trapped and limited in space as you solely dedicate and your life to just that one woman?

Eheheh…the human emotions of yours are indeed pathetic.

Loki

God of Mischief


	15. RE2: Amber, Agent of SHIELD?

**Loki:** Alright, reader here is Arnoldloveshelga7 who writes a third letter as Agent Amber.

**Arnoldloveshelga7:** How can you be so sure I am an agent, huh? ;)

**Loki:** All of my conclusions are drawing me to the fact that yes, you are indeed of SHIELD.

**Arnoldloveshelga7:**Are yooooou suuuure?

**Loki:**...

**Arnoldloveshelga7:** Enjoy my letter, reader!

**Loki:** Enjoy mine as well, you must.

* * *

Loki  
My king  
I will be alone, don't worry.  
I must let you know that I will be a great ally.

Perhaps one day we can be more then just allies. "Winks"  
Until then I am happy to be at your service and I will not let you down.

Haha, Loki!

Not knowing if I am merely a human girl or an agent is just a little game I enjoy playing with you.

You will find out who I am once you are out of prison I assure you that you won't be disappointed.

I know you think of us humans as mere insects you wish to crush but don't think of all of us that way, Loki.

I hope you enjoyed that brown sludge you had in the cafeteria.

I hope you will enjoy Shwarma with me as well.

Until then, Loki :)

* * *

It is a lovely surprise to discover that not all mortals possess the same stupid rebellious mind that contradicts from being ruled upon.

Are things not simpler when you solely admit that your race is overly dependent to a higher power?

Without a superior authority amongst you, the people of your planet are fated to become lost and burdened with no purpose.

Eventually, the puny people of Midgard will become desperately parched for a ruler to help light their way through the darkness they are upon; it is in your nature to do so and denying the fact is irrelevant.

As for any rebellion towards their king and purpose; I shall withstand not.

So, you like playing games do you, Agent Amber?

I too have a game intended for you but I must not give you further detail; for I wish not to ruin the fun.

As for the shwarma, Tony Stark was already generous enough to send a morsel for me to try.

And what can I say, it was quite the delicacy; the taste was charming unlike anything I have ever consumed in my life.

I was taking to consideration to cancel the night planned with you alas, the passionate infatuation I have developed for this human shwarma of yours does not allow me to do as planned.

You will still take me to shwarma that night and after I am fulfilled with the feast; I shall disappear into the darkness without as much as a goodbye.

You will not be hearing from me again that is…until you see me sitting upon the throne; ruling over your precious Earth.

And yes….yes, I do enjoy the brown sludge very much.

Would you care for some?

Loki

God of Mischief


	16. From Adolf Hitler, President of NRA

**Loki:** Alright, so we have a new reply from a mortal named...Anonymous.

**Anonymous:** My name isn't anonymous.

**Loki:** Then what is it? Tell me, earthling!

**Anonymous:** There is a reason why I'm called an anon, puny god!

**Loki: W**ell, here is Anonymous Andy...or Amanda writing me as Adolf Hitler...wait, isn't this German wanna-be who is actually an Austrian Jew supposed to be dead?

**Anonymous:** ...heh heh. I couldn't help myself!

**Loki:** Ugh...nevermind. Just enjoy my letter, human.

**Anonymous:** Please enjoy mine too, reader!

* * *

Dear Loki Laufeyson,

We at the Notorious Ruler Association (henceforth referred to as the NRA), would like to extend an invitation for you to be the keynote speaker at our 2016th annual convention. Having inducted several prestigious former rulers recently such as Colonel Muammar Gaddafi of Libya, Kim Jong Il of North Korea, and Slobodan Milosevic of Serbia, we at the NRA make it a point to have one current visionary who seeks to do harm to the people that have harmed them in the first place. Past speakers have included Osama Bin Laden, Robert Mugabe, and Fidel Castro.

During our convention, which is on May 1, 2013 CE, we wish to see you in Tehran, Iran on Midgard as Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is graciously hosting our event. We have secured a one-hour spot for you to give a speech. The theme this year is "Why , Bombing New York City is Cliché" but you are free to choose your own topic for the speech. Please RSVP by April 1, 2013 and specify your method of payment (gold ingots, US dollars, uncut diamonds, or weapons shipments). Again, Mr. Laufeyson, we are excited to hear from you and to give us wonderful new insights on ruling notoriously.

Sincerely,  
Adolf Hitler  
Interim President of the NRA

* * *

My, it seems that I have been invited to quite an interesting and fascinating event indeed. And yes, I shall RSVP to this event as soon as the doors to my cell doors unlock; for I would like to do nothing more than to honor your pathetic little crowd with my divine existance.

Once you look upon me, your instincts will automatically command you to force your weakened knees to collapse against the ground before you; for inferiors such as yourselves should already be aware that a God holds supremacy upon all.

Although I hold no currency at the moment, there is one thing I can assure you; once I become king of Midgard, I shall have more than enough to pay you back for RSVP and much more; for I strive for world domination.

Once upon my arrival, I expect your puny people to welcome my presence by kneeling upon me, tending to my every command, and fulfill my stomach with shwarma.

…

And chocolate.

So, prepare yourselves upon my arrival…you puny mortals.

Loki

God of Mischief


	17. From Maria Hill, Agent of SHIELD

**FireHose2011:** The Hose is back!

**Loki:** Fourth letter composed to me from Agent Maria Hill, one of SHIELD's most skilled Agents.

**FireHose2011:**That's right and she is totally bad ass as well.

**Loki:**...

**FireHose2011:** Alright, enjoy my letter reader!

**Loki:** Yes...enjoy mine as well.

* * *

Hello, Loki, I think you would remember me, but in case you don't, my name is Maria Hill and I am an agent from S.H.I.E.L.D.

What I have observed is that you are the same with everybody; you always try to act greater than your brother and innocent.

Why is that, sir?

Is it perhaps that you're just angry because you're not being a part of S.H.I.E.L.D or lack friendship or are starting to get quite close to Ms. Amber?

However, we the members of S.H.I.E.L.D believe that your behavior is very interesting, so if you could ever let us examine you, we'd appreciate it.

We've never had the chance to examine a frost giant.

I'm assuming something's wrong with your head or else you would have quickly commented on the new conditioner I'm using which is working great.

You can contact me if you would like to know the name because there is a Just for Men version of it, you can use! : D  
when you get out of prison, that is...

Speaking of prison, I'm happy for you, maybe with this punishment, you can finally stop being a big bad meanie. :]

Thank you for listening to me, and please reply soon.  
Have fun in jail,  
S.H.I.E.L.D Agent: Maria Hill

* * *

Do I recall an Agent Maria Hill from the deep interior of my mind?

Ah, yes of course.

It was after I had grasped the Tesseract from your cooperation's trembling little hands, was it not?

After you claimed that "The tesseract was stolen".

Alas, you understood wrong Agent Hill; for the cube was not stolen, it was simply retrieved which I have every right to do so since the cubic prism does in fact belong to Asgard.

Why not judge your people of thievery instead; were they not the ones who took the cube from the profound depths of the ocean without having permission granted to do so?

I also have one more pending inquiry to ask of you, Agent Hill.

Why do your people even bother handling an object that possesses a power so great and beyond their range?

I find it quite amusing to even take that fact to consideration.

What I really find the most ludicrous is that you believe that my anger settles upon not being a part of your tiny little cooperation…

What made you think that?

Surely, this must be a joke.

And my, sounds like someone has already started to snoop in other people's conversations…Is this jealousy, Agent Hill?

So Agent Hill would like to play a game in which she is the doctor who shall examine her sick patient in regards to his behavior, is that right?

Well, I cannot let you do that.

The advantage this lovely prison has given to me is that it offers consults to its prisoners once a week and within these consults; we are given the liberty to speak with the psychiatrist for an hour or less.

So the treatment of your pathetic little psychiatrist (or of any of your requested hair concoctions); I would need not.

As for the words that have been uttered; you shall one day regret for having them so carelessly escape that running little mouth of yours.

For I am not a big bad meanie; I am a king, you dull creature!

Loki

God of Mischief


	18. From Ice Jazz Elleth, Myth Researcher

**Loki:** Newcomer before who writes to us as...

**Ice Jazz Elleth:** Ice Jazz Elleth, pleasure to be here.

**Loki:** Alright and as a new comer, you must agree to kneel before me.

**Ice Jazz Elleth:** I do not kneel to men like you.

**Loki:** Ah, but there are no men like me.

**Ice Jazz Elleth:** But there are ALWAYS men like you.

**Loki:** ...Is it just me or has does this moment seem redundant?

**Ice Jazz Elleth:** Ignore the yapper above me and just enjoy my letter reader, please.

**Loki:** ...

* * *

To Loki Liesmith (Among other names)

After your attempt to take over the earth, my interest in mythology has moved to include Norse Mythology.

Funnily enough, Norse Mythology was first recommended to me by a friend who considered it epic, as it was the only mythology to have a God of Mischief.

The closest the Greeks got was Hermes, who was considered a protector of Thieves.

From my study into Norse Mythology (Which involves only library books as I have no other option, apart from learning Beowulf word for word, which I started a while back) I have found the stories interesting, if not more disturbing, as I am not too into violence. However I have found your character to be rather interesting when being mischievous, such as the version of the tale that I have read which is about Thor loosing Mjollnir. However according to mythology, your role gets darker with the death of Balder and the imprisonment of Fenrir and then yourself, eventually leading to Ragnarok.

In short, your character would probably gain more sympathy if continued with the mischief side and not in the serious things such as murder or greatly insulting people (which was the final straw according to Norse Mythology).

As for the taking over the world incidence, I much prefer that to the utter destruction of the world, but I do understand where you are coming from with your idea.

United, the world would be able to solve more problems and with many people representing the world, it is hard to be united.

However if you look at history, singular rulers (ruling because they are viewed to be different, eg Kings) were often overthrown.

Even America threw off its British rulers.

In short, humans, although they need a leadership, find that they need one who does not impose that many rules (And so the humans would not benefit being considered to be best as slaves) yet keeps control.

They also seem to be rather fussy about nationality for some reason.

Maybe there would be more luck running for presidency/ being priminster in one of the old Viking territories?

I hope my letter has helped in some way. Thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope things fare well.

-Ice Jazz Elleth

* * *

Ice Jazz, why is it you mortals resume with the name calling?

I find it premature and unessesary, can you see not!

Hm...it is far from unquestionable that once you looked upon me you would develop an urging interest upon this subject.

After all the sole purpose of this action upon your part was to become educated of the greatness that had been presented before you, I am right.

Well, one thing I must say is that I am flabbergasted to know that you actually split a book open to perform this type of research; I did not think you mortals still had the capacity to do such an massive performance.

If I have heard correctly, what the puny people of your planet consider research is opening a window on your computer screen, typing your research topic on the Google search engine and with a simple click; you are directed to Wiki…something, I do not know the whole name of it but you have probably heard about it.

As for the stated fact; I believe I have presented this argument to Mister Stark but it looks like you desperately crave to hear it as well.

The reason why your people have overthrown your figureheads was solely because they held no capacity whatsoever to rule something much greater than themselves.

They are only human; what do you expect?

Their purpose to rule would suit them ill; for the feelings and sentiments they shed would always be of burden to them; have they not?

What those people were unaware of when I had made an appearance on your precious Earth is that I am a God, I hold natural supremacy upon you and ruling their world would be nothing more than an easy task for me.

Once they all accept these facts; everything shall be at ease and no blood shed shall be indeed necessary.

On the contrary, if the measly people of Midgard continue to be foolish and not accept me as their king; I shall have no other choice but to eliminate those who refuse to kneel off the face of this planet.

And there, problem solved.

Loki

God of Mischief


	19. RE2: Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD

**Randomwriter90:** I am back again, reader!

**Loki:** Here with a thrice reply is the director of SHIELD, Nick Fury.

**Randomwriter90:** That's right...enjoy my reply!

**Loki:** You might want to read mine, as well...mortal. Oh, and one more thing...for those of you who are afraid to write me a letter or who simply only want to ask me but a small question; you have my permission to go on my tumblr. The url is you seek of mine is prince - loki - laufeyson . tumblr . com (without the spaces of course)

* * *

Dear Loki,  
Then please explain the cross- dressing that the Norse talked about.  
Fury  
P.S. Stark would like to know how is it that you're still in jail/prison. Shouldn't you have escaped by now via magic; performance issues, maybe?

* * *

Cross dressing, Director Fury; just how ever did you come across such sacred information?

Of course; it must have been Thor who has come and bawl to you the whole story; did he not?

…Someone needs to provide that gigantic oaf of a muzzle, indeed.

In regards to the cross-dressing which captivates mostly your interest Director Fury, it was just a little bit of fun, really.

Managing to inherit my soul into the body of the Lady Sif to cause confusion and destruction was a fine plan indeed; that I have yet to applaud to this day even that gigantic oaf did not see it coming.

Alas, I only tend to perform this action when life presents before me as insufferably tedious; it is really nothing to be taken seriously.

As for the answer to Mister Stark's question; it does not surprise me that he always chooses to make the most intellect of all inquiries.

Although I do hold the potential and capacity to escape this prison quite easily; I simply choose to stay; providing myself the time to wisely prepare for the following attempt I have planned to rule your precious Earth.

Loki

God of Mischief


	20. From Phil Coulson, SHIELD Agent

**Anonymous:** What took you so long to answer?

**Loki**: Well, I had a few things pending, I did.

**Anonymous:** Well, here I am and I am writing as a agent, Phil Coulson.

**Loki:.**I thought he was dead.

**Anonymous:** He may be...he may be not.

**Loki:..**Are you the same Anonymous as of last time?

**Anonymous:** I may be...I may not be. That's the fun of being Anon!

**Loki:** ...Enjoy the reply, mortal. And if you wish to visit my tumblr page to ask me more; I shall answer.

prince - loki - laufeyson . tumblr . com

(Make sure you type that without spaces, mortal)

**Anonymous:** Enjoy the letters, reader! :]

* * *

Dear Loki,

Do you realize how many people you killed in your little fiasco?

Hel is very stressed with the amount of people who all came here about the same time due to one person; you, killing them.

I, belonging to this group, have found that she is very busy so i am now in charge of any type of paper work and dealing with the people she doesn't want to deal with.

Feels like i never left SHEILD.

Also, I told you that you would lose, that you lacked conviction and I was right.

Just thought i should point that out.

Is Hel your daughter?

I remember something about that in a mythology book.

Whether she is or not doesn't really erase the fact that she is very angry at you.

She would like you to not go on any more killing sprees with or without an army of aliens once you get out of prison, otherwise; she will deal with you personally.

I'm guessing that means her not excepting people's souls and that leaves you with a zombie apocalypse. Good luck.

Do you remember those SHEILD agents you stabbed right when you got to Earth and killed?

They say, "Hahaha, serves you right."

Sincerely,

Phil Coulson

P.S. Tell Stark I say thanks for hitting you for me. While you are at it see if Cap ever signed my cards. We can only send mail to Asgard from here. All others get sent back.

* * *

Son of Coul, I thought you were dead, we all did.

And now you are telling me that I am being hunted down by an angry mob of the living dead SHIELD agents; how has that come to be?

Ah, yes…it must have been indeed, Hel.

But I must ask you; what have I to fear?

Although life after death has made you immortal; you still roam the surface of Midgard as weak and beyond helpless creature who can do nothing more than groan in agony it undergoes.

There will be nothing that you can do upon that status, Son of Coul, nothing at all.

As for the mentioned female Hel's anger toward me; I really could care less about what anyone has to think of me.

And although this constantly mentioned Hel considers herself to be of my own "flesh and blood", I do not have time to consider any children that I may or may have not scattered throughout the nine realms.

I am far too busy to be burdened by pitiful beings (or stallions) who claim to be my own; make that clear to them if I must ask of you.

And yes…yes, I am aware of my little slip; but that is all it was.

A harmless little slip; there is no need to fret over small occurances such as these, now is there?

What you should also make clear to everyone is that no one; absolutely no one is to stop me from returning to Midgard.

I will be king of your measly little planet and YOU shall kneel to me.

Oh and as for the message you want to deliver to Stark, I shall make sure that he gets it.

As for Captain America, I will also check up to see about mentioned cards.

I must leave you now; the woman of the cafeteria is to be expecting me soon.

Loki

God of Mischeif


	21. From Dowager Cixi, Secretary of NRA

**Loki:** I apologize for the absence, things have been quite hectic.

**Anonymous:** I am sure they have.

**Loki:** Very well, I have returned once again with answer from Anonymous, who has now written to me as Empress Dowager Cixi.

**Anonymous**: That's right, please enjoy my letter reader!

**Loki:** Yes...enjoy mine as well.

Ah, and if you wish to further inquire to me...I advise you submit your questions to...**loki - laufailson . tumblr . com **( Without spaces, of course)

With a click upon the " Ask Me What Troubles You, Mortal" button, all your burning inquries will be answered.

(P.S. I would like to provide gratitude as well as credit of name creation to the mastermind, **ric - oola - 127 **composer of from " Tony Stark" Letters**.**

_Thank you for inspiration and I hope you don't mind that I have selected as username.)_

* * *

_Dear Prince Loki Laufeyson of Asgard,_

_The NRA is indeed excited to confirm you as our keynote speaker. However, it is us who will be paying your highness for the honor of speaking to us. Interim President Hitler merely asked how your Excellency wanted tribute, as there is some dispute between him, King Herrod, Prime Minister Hideki Tojo, and former President Napoleon Bonaparte regarding the most notorious way to thank our keynote speakers._

_Secondly, all members of the Notorious Ruler Association are indeed dead, for our Yggdrasil headquarters is located in Helheim. As you may have noticed, our new inductees are all notorious rulers who have been recently deposed and died. Thus, we are patiently waiting to induct either Hosni Mubarak of Egypt or Bashar al-Assad of Syria in the near future. Our arrangements with your daughter allow us to host our annual convention in Midgard since it was started in 4 BCE by founding members Julius Caesar and Emperor Shi Huangdi. Since your Excellency is immortal, the NRA believes that it is of great importance for us to engage a prince of Asgard as our speakers must be a current notorious leader at the time of our convention._

_Thirdly, as the Midgardian land called "The Islamic Republic of Iran" is Muslim, they do not believe in kneeling to any other gods. In fact, the foundation of their belief is that "There is no God, but God, and Mohammed is his Prophet." You may wish to ask the Interim President about his beliefs, promoting the very "European" traditions of deities like your Lordship, but the only way your Highness will find mortals bowing to you, is if you stand in between the faithful Muslims and Mecca, Saudi Arabia, at dawn, mid-morning, noon, evening, and dusk. While your self-confidence is surely commendable, very many members of the NRA, myself included, are used to having the Mandate of Heaven, and people bowing to them. While that probably will not deter your Excellency from politely asking us, bear in mind the audience's predilections._

_Finally, there indeed will be shawarma at the dinner that night, although we insist that your most munificent Lordship would be there early, as some members like to have meals akin to Volstagg's gluttony. We patiently wait for the time when you can join us back on Midgard._

_Sincerely,_

_Empress Dowager Cixi_

_Secretary of the Treasury of the NRA_

_P.S. You may receive a letter from Sentinel Prime inviting you to the Supervillain Society's annual conference on Cybertron and another from the Illusive Man inviting you to his Videogame Villain conference on Cronos Station. As two of our greatest competitors, we would hope that your majesty would avoid going to such second-class events._

* * *

In the distant past, I was placed through deep ponder as to why must I be continuously approached by the likes of those, the deseased who have been permanently vanished from surface of Midgard to their new rightful place, Helheim.

The presence of rulers of Midgard, the Son of Coul before me…I should have known that act upon Hel's part; this must be.

I will now speak to you, in regards to the mentioned ideology of the Land considered "Holy" as well as the rest of Midgard; whatever differences a mortal may hold under their possession such as gender, age, nationality, or practice of religion; my weary eyes will remain oblivious to see them.

Why, may you ask?

Because I strongly acknowledge that all inhabitnts of Midgard are to be considered equal; and I hold natural supremacy over you, the inferior race of feeble mortals weather your heart functions in your chest or not.

They are small, they are weak, they are inferior…ah, but most important of all, they possess a strong desire of being ruled upon.

Why else would they possess such urging desire to select for themselves, a leader?

Ooh, and the absurd choice of blindly selecting one of their own as candidate will eventually lead to dire consequences; what could have possibly made them think that it was wise to select for themselves, a petty earthling who is incapable of controlling his own foolish sentiments?

This will serve them as rightful ruler not and I scoff at the small mindset the inhabitants of Midgard possess, so easily manipulated by those ignorant.

Ah, yes…and finally as my tribute to you, the members of this organization…my sole presence before you shall compensate you enough.

And yes…yes, I will arrive early to mentioned meeting of organization as I am sure that its inhabitants heavily anticipate my presence before you as much as I hungrily crave consummation upon the shawarma once again.

I will close this letter now as I am expected to play bingo with creatures, so inferior to me.

Loki

God of Mischief


End file.
